I feel like such an awful mother. I am an awful mother.
I just yelled at both kids. I can’t handle it/them/everything right now.
I am having a ton of braxton hicks contractions today. Not enough that I need to call the doctor, but enough that my stomach is sore and they have worn me out.
Today I have done nothing but chase after the kids, deal with fights, wipe snotty noses, hand out vitamins/medications, break up more fights, kiss boo-boo’s, listen to stories that don’t make any sense yet somehow I have to understand it, clean up messes, tell them repeatedly to pick up the darn living room that they have once again managed to trash, change diapers, and break up more fights. I won’t even mention the current state of their bedrooms. Tornado anyone?
I cannot stop eating today. I am starving. I am so badly trying to eat healthy and keep my weight gain to a reasonable amount but with this appetite, that is impossible. I had a tuna sandwich for lunch with thick whole wheat omega 3 bread and used a whole can of tuna, plus an apple and carrot sticks. My stomach was literally growling 45 minutes later. So I ate a small bowl of leftover chicken spaghetti (yum! AND has more protein.) An hour later, my stomach was growling again. So I made myself a protein smoothie, complete with milk, frozen blueberries and strawberries, and some protein power. Now an hour later, I’m hungry again. Ahhhh! This time I gave up and ate a piece of Easter chocolate, yum. But that does nothing for my appetite. I am seriously annoyed now. I really want a yogurt or some cottage cheese but I don’t have any. And I have no way of getting any as hubby is 45 minutes away working on his car with my car.
I want to see my husband. I haven’t seen him except for nearly a week except for a few minutes when he comes home late at night and we are both so tired we can’t think of anything of substance to say to each other. And he’s going on another business trip next week. I’m ok with it really. But darn it, I want to see him this weekend! If he can’t get that car fixed today, I am just going to cry.
I admit I’ve been on the computer more than I should have today. But I’m tired and feeling lazy today. And after all the work I’ve done this week I think I can allow myself a little break today. I gave myself 20 more minutes and told myself I will get off the computer then. In that short time frame (I have 2 minutes left, let’s see how quickly I can finish this post!), I have kissed more boo-boo’s (they were playing wildly with a balloon and bumped heads,) dealt with MORE fights, told Nathan multiple times to pick up the legos he had scattered all over, listened to him ask for yet another popsicle (no, you just had one, plus cheeze it’s for a snack, you are DONE!) and then when Emily came and flung a diaper in my face literally, poking my eye in the process, and announced that she was stinky for the FOURTH time today, I lost it. I yelled at them both and told them to leave me alone.
Yep, I’m officially an awful mother.