The last couple of days have been rough. Joshua has been super cranky, especially in the evenings. I know it’s not colic because he can be soothed, but I have to hold him constantly. I noticed a pattern beginning on Saturday and continuing – and getting worse – the past couple days. Starting at around 4 pm, I cannot put him down. He might fall asleep in my arms, but within a couple minutes of my trying to put him down, he wakes up and begins screaming. And the only thing that calms him is if I hold him. I can’t put him down for 5 minutes. (Of course now that I’ve said that, he’s been sleeping soundly in his bassinet for the past 20 minutes… but anyways…)
The thing is I have 2 other kids. I had to get them dinner last night. And I had to eventually put them to bed. So I had to put my poor baby down and let him cry for a couple minutes while I rushed to care for Nathan & Emily.
It was especially hard last night as yesterday was Nate’s first day back at work and I was pretty worn out come the evening.
I did okay during the day. I even managed to get my kitchen cleaned up (somewhat) and put some laundry away. But once 4 pm hit, it was a different story. I have such a hard time listening to my baby cry, yet I had to eventually feed my other children. Oh I tried the one hand trick, but when you have to dump boiling water in the sink because you’re trying to make boxed mac ‘n cheese, well that’s just not safe to hold a baby… so there lies my difficulty. And changing Emily? Well that takes 2 hands too. So yeah yesterday was a bit tough.
I found myself just crying my eyes out after I finally was able to put Nathan & Emily to bed (late) because I was so tired and discouraged. I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions and doing a horribly crappy job at everything. A horrible mom to Nathan & Emily. A horrible mom to Joshua. And an awful wife to Nate, who is tired and yet still wonderfully and sweetly helping me feed the baby at night because I am simply not strong enough to do all night feedings completely by myself yet. Oh and I won’t even get started on the current state of my house…. but like my dear mom told me today – I am the only one who cares about whether my floor is swept or there are toys scattered across the living room floor and I need to realize that and let it go… I have to.
Nate helped me out with the baby last night and I got somewhat of a stretch of sleep, but I still woke up at 5:30 am completely exhausted. After I fed Joshua, changed him, and rocked him for a bit and then attempted to put him in the bassinet, all wrapped up cozy in the Miracle Blanket (which he has previously slept up to 5 hour stretches in), he started screaming again because his pacifier fell out of his mouth for the 100th time. And I started crying right along with him. I went downstairs to see Nate for a few minutes, who had gotten up to get ready for work. And I lost it. It all hit me and I couldn’t stop crying. I felt terrible for putting it on my wonderful husband, but I just couldn’t stop myself.
Nate was so sweet and as I poured out my frustrations and my feelings of failure, he listened and told me he was fine with helping me out with the baby. He said “You carried Joshua for 9 months and I couldn’t help you. Now you are recovering from major surgery still and I have a chance to do my part. I fully expect to keep helping you at this point.” That set me off in tears too… darn hormones. Isn’t he amazing? And aren’t I unbelievably lucky? Actually really blessed to have such an amazing man?
Then he took it a step further and while I continued to bawl, he told me to go to bed and he would take care of Joshua for awhile and work from home. He did and I was able to get a couple more hours of sleep.
That helped me out sooo much. And when I woke up, my head felt a little clearer and I began to think.
Joshua has thrush in his mouth. That’s a yeast infection (white patchy milky-looking spots on his tongue, cheeks, and roof of his mouth.) Don’t ask me how he got it – I had a c-section and he’s formula fed, so I have no idea. But he definitely has it. I noticed it beginning on Saturday and come Sunday his tongue was pretty well coated and by Monday, I gave him a little Gentian Violet (a natural remedy.) However it didn’t seem to improve at all and I put in a call to our doctor this morning.
While waiting for the nurse to call me back, it suddenly dawned on me – Joshua’s crankiness began – and increased – at the same time I noticed the thrush. Maybe they were directly related? In fact, the more I thought about it, the more confident I was. That alone made me feel better, because thrush can be treated. And that means that I should hopefully have my sweet contented baby back in just a few days. Not that this is his new temperament, as my sleep deprived mind so feared.
My poor baby boy is just uncomfortable. Thrush can irritate their little tummies too, so that would explain a lot of things.
So I am feeling much better now. Not to mention my mom was amazing and very sympathetic and understanding when I talked to her earlier. Nate is wonderful, but he’s a guy – and guys are just not as sympathetic and understanding as women, as we all know. 😉 Sooo Mom was great.
Our doctor called in a prescription for Joshua. I’ve already given him his first dose (poor little guy did not like it) and hopefully that will start working quickly.
So that’s the latest from us. I’m not proof-reading this time, so I hope this makes sense, but if it doesn’t…well hey I have a newborn, so I’m sure you all will understand.
And a rainbow from Saturday or Sunday… yeah it’s been super rainy here lately too…
But this sure was beautiful: