Just when I think things are getting better with Joshua, I’m wrong. I always feel like I’m an optimistic person – ok, so sure I worry about a lot of things (admittedly more than I should) but I try to hope & think positively. (Not trying to sound new-age-y, I hope you know what I mean!) To trust in God.
I am trusting Him, but I’m tired and discouraged right now.
Joshua has been on the new formula – Nutramigen – for 2 weeks now. His response to it seemed slow, but he started doing better. Much better. A week ago, he was SO happy. We had 5-6 days of a very happy baby. He has never been that happy for such a long period of time. All of a sudden I was transformed back to how wonderful & sweet & amazing it is to have a baby this age. When they are sitting up and discovering all the new and wonderful things about this world. When they start to become little people. Joshua has always been so uncomfortable and fussy that he (and I!) haven’t been able to experience that together. He’s had times of being happy but they’re short-lived.
He was still spitting up a lot last week & still seemed uncomfortable from that, so I called the doctor and asked if we could start a reflux medication. The doctor called in a prescription for Zantac and told me to give that 2 weeks. I started to breathe easier.
Joshua’s eczema which had been fairly bad for awhile started to very slowly improve. After about 3 or 4 days on the Nutramigen, his skin didn’t seem so irritated. It just looked calmer. The eczema patches looked less red and became smaller.
It was quite a different response than to when we tried Soy & goat milk. His eczema disappeared overnight with those, but after a week, it came raging back, angrier then ever.
I was very optimistic that he seemed to be responding differently to this new formula.
Then on Monday, Joshua started getting cranky again. I attributed it to teething, because I am 95% certain (it’s hard to say for sure with a “needy” baby though) he’s cutting his two bottom teeth. He’s been super cranky from Tuesday on. He hasn’t been napping well and I’ve had to hold him almost constantly. (That means my house is really suffering, but I am past the point of caring right now.) Even with Tylenol and the homeopathic teething remedy that has worked for my other kids, he’s still fussy. So while I do think he’s teething, after the past 3 days, I’ve been starting to wonder if it’s the old tummy & formula issues beginning again. I kept trying to push those doubts out of my mind.
Until this morning when I was changing him. The eczema is back. It’s still not nearly as bad as it’s been before, but it’s definitely gotten a little worse. I don’t know what to think.
I’ve had a couple people recommend Alimentum & a few recommend Neocate. I just want something, anything that my baby can eat without being miserable.
He’s back to screaming while eating. Oh he drinks his bottle down hungrily enough without crying, but as soon as I stop to burp him, he screams and screams. I think part of it is because he doesn’t want me to stop feeding him and he’s frustrated, but I also hear pain & irritation in that scream.
When will this end?
I know there are so many other people out there with much more serious issues. This is so minor on the grand scheme of things.
But I am exhausted right now. Mentally, physically. I am so tired.
It’s Christmas time and I just can’t seem to pull myself into my normal festive mood. I love Christmastime – it’s my favorite time of year. Everything from Christmas cards to cookies to decorating the tree to wrapping presents to Christmas music – I love it all.
But I just don’t feel it this year. It’s just like one more thing to do. I can’t make Christmas cookies, I barely have time to address Christmas cards. I have a fussing baby on my hip all day.
I keep telling myself that this too will pass. That by this time next year Joshua will be walking and starting to talk and probably very happy.
I feel like I’m not able to enjoy Joshua’s infancy and it’s breaking my heart. It breaks my heart that he’s in pain and irritated. I look at other babies his age who are happy and looking around with wide-eyed wonder and while Joshua is like that sometimes, it seems like once again things are tipping toward the fussy/irritable times more than the good times.