We’re all feeling a lot better today. Well Nathan just came downstairs complaining that he was coughing with “stuff in his throat” but aside from that, he seems okay. Hopefully he’ll feel much better by tomorrow morning so he can enjoy his birthday!
But I am so tired. Joshua has reverted back to refusing to let me put him down without a major screaming fit. He was practically crawling last week and really happy about it when he had a day’s break between teething/being sick with a cold. But now, while he’s finally over that cold, he’s used to me holding him all the time and is throwing fit after fit when I put him down for thirty seconds while heaven forbid, I have to pee!!
I am so tired. I’m back to being jealous of other people with their happy babies. I’m tired of paying my “dues.” Joshua is much better than a few months ago when we were dealing with all his eczema/tummy issues/reflux, but some days are still really tough. Now it’s not because of a medical issue but because he’s used to all the attention I gave him when he wasn’t feeling well. If I’m holding him, we’re golden; he’s happy & smiling & laughing & content. But try to put him down and that’s another story. How is he supposed to learn how to crawl (or at least figure out that he does know how to crawl – he can crawl, he just hasn’t made the connection that if he does it, he can actually get somewhere) or stand or some of these other physical milestones if I’m holding him all the time or he’s screaming and crying giant crocodile tears if I do put him down?? Well I guess the fact that he is just about crawling should ease that worry. (See my rambling actually can be useful at times!)
Now if Nate is watching Joshua, he can put him down (most of the time) without J throwing a fit. But if I happen to walk in the room, all hell breaks loose. I mean it’s nice to be wanted, but at the same time, it’s like what am I doing wrong that Joshua is happy for everyone else but me?!
I never had to deal with this with Nathan or Emily, so this is all new to me. And frustrating.
I know Joshua will grow up so fast and before I know it, he’ll be turning 1 and then 2 and so on, (I mean goodness how can Nathan be turning seven tomorrow?!) but for right now, I am still feeling guilty that I’m just not enjoying Joshua’s babyhood as much as I did with my other two. That’s not to say that I don’t love that little boy to pieces. He is so precious and when he does smile and coo at me, it is the most wonderful thing in the world.
That’s all. My little pity party is done. I feel better now. I’m off to go read my Bible, my new Beth Moore book – “So Long, Insecurity” – that I’m super excited about, and my novel, and then to sleep! Good night!