I’m in the hospital – they admitted me tonight.
This morning, I woke up in more pain than yesterday. I had truly thought the chiro would help ease some of that pain. My lower back felt better, but none of the awful PBS pain or hip/nerve pain was better. I had a melt down. I went back to bed and cried and cried. It was just horrible. Not being able to walk was more than I could take. I can’t even take care of my other kids at this point. Nate is too afraid to leave me for fear my leg will give out and I’ll end up on the floor in horrendous pain unable to move, muchless take care of 3 other kids. I’ve never felt this helpless or like such a failure before.
Nate was very worried about me and called the doctor. They insisted I come down to the hospital. I didn’t want to – I figured it would just be a waste of time & money & I would just be told to suck it up for 2 more weeks and deal with it. They kept insisting and finally my own doctor talked to me and convinced me to come in.
We took the kids to Nate’s aunt’s house – I am so thankful to her. It’s a lot to ask someone to just drop everything and take 3 young kids + a dog! (she has Abby too!)
My doctor is on call tonight and she came by to see me shortly after we arrived at L&D. She was so incredible & understanding. She saw me through 2 other pregnancies and knows I “handle it well” (her words, not mine) and if I’m in this much pain, she’s going to take it seriously.
The first step was to get me evaluated by ‘psych.’ Anytime anyone comes in really upset, they have to do so. I’m okay mentally (I’m completely spent and ‘done’ but I would never do anything to hurt myself or the baby!), I know that, Nate knows that, and I think my doctor does too, but I still need to be ‘evaluated’ just to be safe. As my doctor said – some women truly have a mental breakdown and get psychosis or something like that and it’s really bad, so they need to just make sure. She’s confident this is just an end of pregnancy can’t-take-the-pain anymore breakdown, but it requires a specialist.
They sent me to the ER to get a psych eval tonight to hopefully get things going (ER wouldn’t come up here) but that was horrible. They took me & DH to this tiny locked room and barged in a few minutes later with this horrible looking paper gown & pants & said I had to change into it. DH was like “Um, she’s 9 months pregnant, can’t you make an exception?!” (Because it’s just SO painful to do anything right now – L&D didn’t even make me change out of my own clothes, they were so sweet.) And the nurse got her supervisor nurse who was even more awful & said they were making an exception by letting DH stay with me because I was “suicidal!” I said “I’m not and never was suicidal” and she was like “well that’s why you’re here and protocall is you HAVE to change into these.” DH was like “No, get the doctor in here.”
A few minutes later, my favorite L&D nurse (who is just wonderful and also a Christian homeschooling mother to 4 kids!) came in and said “We’re going back upstairs.” When my beloved doctor heard what was happening, she had them pull me. Thank goodness because I was starting to get really scared!
So right now, I’m admitted and the regular psychologist will come by to my own room on this very nice Labor & Delivery floor and talk to me tomorrow.
Once they do that, the plan is to do an amnio to check on Luke’s lung maturity. If his lungs are ready, my doctor will deliver him by c-section on Sunday. I am very thankful they are doing the amnio – if Luke isn’t ready, there is no way I would want him delivered now, so this will make sure.
If the amnio comes back that his lungs aren’t ready yet, we’ll wait a week and try again. I’m not sure what we’ll do for that week, but I think just the fact that my doctor acknowledges that this is a lot, that I’m really struggling here, and that yeah it’s tough with 3 young kids at home when you can’t physically walk without excrutating pain helps.
I told Nate & my doctor that I don’t know why this pregnancy is so much tougher on me than the others. I don’t think Luke is as big as my other babies! Goodness, I carried around a TEN POUNDER with Joshua and while I was miserable at the end, I was still doing housework, cooking dinner, and painting while 9 months pregnant! I can’t do any of those things right now. I can’t stand on my own two feet for more than a few minutes without ending up in tears!
My doctor said that it’s because having 2 babies 18 months apart really takes a toll on your body, not to mention that with each pregnancy, it gets harder and more painful. And add to that the fact that I’ve had 3 c-sections and things just aren’t ‘the same’ inside anymore, will cause even more pain & issues.
All of this is compounded by the fact that I haven’t slept for more than an hour straight the past 2 weeks. I have never been one who can function without sleep.
So if you managed to get through all that, that’s where we’re at. And if you could please keep us in your continued prayers, I would be so grateful. Thank you!