It’s a beautiful day today but I am feeling a bit of the baby blues. I know everything is okay, but I am feeling down anyways.
May is my favorite month of the year and the past 2 days have been simply perfect – 65/70 degrees and gorgeous. It doesn’t get better than this. Yet I feel like I can’t fully enjoy it and that makes me feel even more down.
I miss my friends. I haven’t seen them in so long with being on bedrest/homeschooling/having a new baby/and finally juggling everyone plus dealing with all of us getting sick one time after another. I’ve been trying to get together with one dear friend for the last 3 months without success – one of our kids has always been sick and we’ve had to keep canceling. I’m just feeling lonely & isolated right now. Plus with gas prices so insanely high because the idiots in office continue to be just that – idiots – it’s hard to justify driving an hour to a friend’s house for just a quick visit and then another hour drive back. Our monthly gas budget has already almost tripled in the last few months with Nate’s long work commute.
There are some other issues going on right now that I can’t elaborate on – that I’m just done with it. When something in your life is nothing but continually exhausting and depressing you, it’s time to say “no.” But that takes extra energy, something I don’t have any to spare right now.
I feel really icky about myself right now. I was doing great with losing the baby weight a month ago and then I had to go on antibiotics. I haven’t been able to lose a pound since, even though I have picked up exercising regularly again and am eating well. It’s so discouraging, especially with the warmer weather here. I feel like I look horrible in everything which means I’m at that depressing I-have-nothing-to-wear phase. 🙁
That and I’m exhausted. Luke hasn’t been sleeping well lately because he’s had a stuffy nose. It’s not bad, it just bugs him at night. He wakes up a couple times each night fussing, so I have to do the saline spray and bulb sucker that babies absolutely hate and then soothe him back to sleep. He was sleeping all night from 7/8 pm to 6 am. Not now. Nate let me sleep in this weekend, something I am so grateful for and desperately needed, but then I feel guilty that he didn’t get to sleep in. And I was still up with the baby multiple times each night.
And despite having a gorgeous weekend, Nate’s allergies were really bugging him so it was kind of a crappy weekend with everyone cranky & out of sorts. We didn’t go to church again Sunday because Nate felt awful and I got almost no sleep and felt like a zombie.
Me = tired. And I have a full week ahead of me.