I often struggle with feeling not good enough. At times, I feel like I’m not really all that good at anything. I’m okay at many things, but do I excel at anything?
Bloggers are supposed to find a “niche.” A mom blogger is such a generic term. I’m a Mom blogger. I homeschool. I stay at home. I’m a Christ-follower. I love couponing and organizing and cooking and baking. I love being an encouragement to other moms and letting them know they’re not alone. All of that kind of sums up what my blog is about. But it’s kind of broad and I’m “supposed” to narrow it down if I want to really do well. And I’m not sure how to do that, because of all that defines me.
BEING A WIFE & MOM
I’m struggling with being a stay at home mom right now. Not that I would do anything else. But it’s just gotten monotonousness. The same thing day in and day out. Of course the kids do different things each day but it’s still cleaning up messes one after the other, changing one poopy diaper after another, you know the drill. And I’ve reached the point again where I wonder if anything I do or say sinks in. I know a lot of this comes from this time of year (we’re all tired of winter and ready for spring), but I’m still discouraged.
As a wife, I feel like I neglect my husband too much. By the time he comes home, I am so tired, there’s not much left.
Homeschooling is a struggle too. Nathan is doing well but Emily’s tough. She’s 5 and we’re doing kindergarten (she would still be in preschool if we did public school) but I’m putting too much pressure on myself right now about whether we should do kindergarten again next fall or first grade. I know, I know, it’s a long ways off – why do I do this to myself?
I’ve been comparing myself to others again. I compare myself to that awesome blogger down the block who has 1 kid and an amazing blog that everyone visits. She whips out current content in one day and has a million page views. Me? I can barely think straight somedays, muchless keep up with the latest news in the blogging community and write a new and interesting article to boot!
I compare myself to that mom who is always posting on Facebook about how sweet her children are and how calm and helpful they are. While mine can be sweet and helpful and calm, that isn’t our daily routine. I’m not saying my kids are horrible, because they’re not, but it’s also not all sunshine and roses.
No good ever comes of comparing. Why do I do it?
I wrote the above yesterday and I almost posted it, but something held me back. I did a lot of thinking and praying yesterday because I know feeling “not good enough” is not God’s plan.
This morning, while Nathan did math homework, Emily and Joshua played Legos, and Luke napped, I spent a few minutes reading my Bible. I thought about my feelings of inadequacy and then I read this verse:
“And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8
What an amazing verse and promise He has given us! Such joy and peace and hope can be found there. I am chosen by Him. The Lord chose me. Little ol’ not-good-enough me. He’s a part of my life, but He doesn’t want to just be a part. He wants to BE my life. He wants to take all of my troubles/frustrations/feelings of guilt and inadequacies. I can’t do it on my own strength. I won’t be good enough. But with Him, I can do anything.