I homeschool my kids. But time has become an issue. This fall, Nathan is going into fourth grade and Emily into kindergarten. Of course I have a 1 year old and 3 year old too. At the same time, this blog has really taken off and it’s become more of a part time job.
I used to hesitate when it came to moving forward blogging-wise because I was afraid. And that little thing called mommy guilt. You see, I never thought I would do anything besides take care of the kids. It’s how I was raised. You’ll be a wife and a mom when you grow up and take care of your husband and children. That’s the only job you should ever do.
Plus I’ve had such low self-esteem my whole life, the thought of me doing something like this was incomprehensible to me. Even as opportunities, started coming my way, I didn’t believe it.
Until recently, when I started getting tired of living that way.
I love writing. I love blogging. And to be able to take something I love and use that to contribute to my family – both financially and with some amazing opportunities – all the while staying home with my kids, has been pretty awesome. I’ve started embracing life as a mom blogger. It’s exciting and I love it.
I’m not looking to go to California for every blog event, but I’d love to take advantage of more opportunities that come my way. Things that do take time, but still allow me to stay home with my kids.
This summer has been great. I’m able to get a lot of blogging done yet still spend time with my kids. But this fall, when we start homeschooling again, something’s gotta give. I can’t do it all.
So I consider our decision to homeschool. And feel guilty. I don’t know whether the guilt is because I should feel guilty or if it’s just old ghosts nagging at me. Ghosts that I need to kick out, throw away the key, and never look back on. Or is it the typical mommy guilt where I don’t feel like I’m doing enough, regardless of what I do? I don’t know.
So what do I do? Put the kids in school?
I’m blessed to have an incredibly supportive husband. Nate is my biggest fan when it comes to my blogging. And staying home with the kids. He’s not one of those husbands that expects me to stay home and homeschool. No. It’s a mutual decision.
So just put the kids in school, you say.
Well it’s not as simple as that. Our local public school isn’t very good and I wouldn’t be confident the kids would get a good education. Private schools are expensive and there’s not many options around here. We could look into scholarship or financial aid funds (I don’t make that much with blogging!) But I have my doubts.
Chances are, I will keep homeschooling – at least for this year. But after that? I don’t know. I’ll be spending lots of time praying.