I’ve received a few incredibly sweet emails from readers saying how I’ve encouraged them, how it’s amazing how I can do so much, etc.
It means a lot to me to hear that.
But I’m not that great. I don’t have it all and I certainly can’t do it all.
I may try. I’m a secret perfectionist. (Ok, maybe not so secret to those who know me.) But I fail a LOT.
You know those mom bloggers who share those gorgeous photos of their beautiful perfect clean houses with their cute smiling clean children? Kudos to them. But that’s not me. My house is not beautiful and perfect. Or clean most of the time. I’m not saying I sit around and blog and leave the house trashed, but I’d have to clean 24/7 if I wanted to have a perfectly clean house. I have 4 kids, two are 2 years and under. They make messes. A LOT.
And my children are cute, but they often refuse to smile for the camera or the photo I manage to get is of their backside leaving. Because my photography skills suck. Or I get a cute photo of Joshua finally standing still and smiling and he has boogers coming out of his nose.
Confession #1: I have photoshopped out boogers from my child’s nose. I also photoshopped a photo of my bathtub because the side was nasty.
I adore my kids, but I cringe sometimes when my 2 year old rubs his little hand lovingly all over my leg for 10 minutes straight. I close my eyes and pray for patience (I get so touched out sometimes) and I know that I will miss this in 5,10, 20 years down the road and want that moment back. But in this moment, I’m tired and touched out and wish he would stop. Yep, mother of the year award to me.
Confession #2: I wish my kids would stop touching me sometimes.
There are some days that I am so tired of changing nasty smelly poopy diapers that I just want to scream. I have been changing diapers for almost 9 years straight. For 8.5 years, I have had at least one child in diapers. Now I have two non-potty trained little ones; that adds up to a lot of diapers.
Confession #3: My two year old thinks the bjorn potty is a place to store his snack.
(I put it away. Clearly he is not ready for potty training!)
I am very shy and hate new situations. I get majorly stressed out before going to a new place. Especially if I have to drive and don’t know where I’m going. I have a serious phobia of driving to new places. It’s compounded by me having the worst sense of direction.
Confession #4: I have cancelled plans because I am afraid of getting lost.
I wonder if I should quit this blog. Am I taking on too much? Is it worth it?
I love blogging. It’s my outlet.
But it takes a lot of time and work to keep up a blog like this. My family is my #1 priority. I’m not neglecting my family to blog, but I feel stressed a lot of the time thinking I’m not doing enough with my blog. I have a hard time not comparing myself to other mom bloggers.
I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person and I simply can’t put it all into my blog. So the question is: can I learn that it’s ok to put some into my blog and not all and live with that? Without stressing?
Confession #5: I stress about blogging.
I don’t have it all together. Far from it.
But I love my kids with everything in me. I love my husband. And I love Jesus.
I am learning everyday that it’s ok to just be human and not be superwoman. I don’t have to do it all. I can’t do it all.
And that’s ok.