I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I know having a hysterectomy is the right decision, but I’m all over the place emotionally. My surgery this Friday is coming up so fast.
We’re done having kids; there’s no reason to keep my uterus when it’s causing me these problems. I’m so tired of being tired all the time. But I’m feeling guilty, I guess. I second guess myself and wonder if I shouldn’t just “deal” instead of putting everyone out so I can have this done.
I feel guilty about putting my family out like this. I won’t be able to pick up my sweet Lukey for at least a month. How am I going to do that? We need to get Joshua into speech therapy asap. How can I do that when I’m “out of commission”? Nathan and Emily need me too.
I feel guilty about asking wonderful extended family and sweet friends to help. I shouldn’t feel guilty – if this happened to one of them, I would absolutely want to help too! But I’m just so bad at stepping back, taking care of myself, and letting others in. Why can’t I just be logical about this?
At this point, I’m perfectly fine with losing my uterus. I’m so ready to be done with this and move on and get healthy. But I’m afraid of the road to get there.
If everything goes well, I should only be in the hospital for 24 hours, if that. I should be back on my feet (minimally) within 1-2 weeks, and fully recovered within 4-6. But there’s a chance this laparoscopic hysterectomy could be converted to an open abdominal hysterectomy if there’s too much scar tissue from my prior four c-sections. And I’m very afraid of that possibility.
My family needs me. I feel like I’m a bad wife and mom by going through with this…
I know I need to give this to the Lord. He has a plan and purpose. But I’m having a hard time letting go right now…
Read My Complete Hysterectomy Story here:
- Girl Talk in Too Much Detail
- Hysterectomy at Age 30?
- A Surgery Date – Hysterectomy
- I’m Afraid
- Two Days
- Home and Resting
- On the Mend
- My Story: Hysterectomy at Age 29
- 7 Weeks Post Hysterectomy
- 6 Months Later…After My Hysterectomy
Questions or comments? Feel free to email me at erika at livingwellmom . com (no spaces). I’ve received countless emails from women with similar stories to mine and I love hearing from you!