I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I know having a hysterectomy is the right decision, but I’m all over the place emotionally. My surgery this Friday is coming up so fast.
I’m afraid.
We’re done having kids; there’s no reason to keep my uterus when it’s causing me these problems. I’m so tired of being tired all the time. But I’m feeling guilty, I guess. I second guess myself and wonder if I shouldn’t just “deal” instead of putting everyone out so I can have this done.
I feel guilty about putting my family out like this. I won’t be able to pick up my sweet Lukey for at least a month. How am I going to do that? We need to get Joshua into speech therapy asap. How can I do that when I’m “out of commission”? Nathan and Emily need me too.
I feel guilty about asking wonderful extended family and sweet friends to help. I shouldn’t feel guilty – if this happened to one of them, I would absolutely want to help too! But I’m just so bad at stepping back, taking care of myself, and letting others in. Why can’t I just be logical about this?
At this point, I’m perfectly fine with losing my uterus. I’m so ready to be done with this and move on and get healthy. But I’m afraid of the road to get there.
If everything goes well, I should only be in the hospital for 24 hours, if that. I should be back on my feet (minimally) within 1-2 weeks, and fully recovered within 4-6. But there’s a chance this laparoscopic hysterectomy could be converted to an open abdominal hysterectomy if there’s too much scar tissue from my prior four c-sections. And I’m very afraid of that possibility.
My family needs me. I feel like I’m a bad wife and mom by going through with this…
I know I need to give this to the Lord. He has a plan and purpose. But I’m having a hard time letting go right now…
Read My Complete Hysterectomy Story here:
- Girl Talk in Too Much Detail
- Hysterectomy at Age 30?
- A Surgery Date – Hysterectomy
- I’m Afraid
- Two Days
- Home and Resting
- On the Mend
- My Story: Hysterectomy at Age 29
- Healing
- 7 Weeks Post Hysterectomy
- 6 Months Later…After My Hysterectomy
- 5 Years After a Hysterectomy [2018 Update]
Questions or comments? Feel free to email me at erika at livingwellmom . com (no spaces). I’ve received countless emails from women with similar stories to mine and I love hearing from you!
Leigh Powell Hines says
You’re making a good decision for your health. I wish you the best, and a speedy recovery.
Leila says
Just remember that you have given and do give your family so much that this one time, it is their turn to help take care of you! If you don’t take care of yourself, you are not going to be any good for them. All will be okay. Your surgery will go great, you will recover like a rockstar and you will be on your feet in no time! You will feel better than ever and life will go back to the normal routine. It’s a small amount of time to be healthy for the rest of your (and your kids’) life! You got this! Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way!!!
Julie Wood says
I am praying for you to have peace with the situation, and to know that God is with you during this difficult time. I know what it is like to have to depend on someone to help you! It is hard asking others for help. God wants you to let them help you so you will heal and be able to go on with your life and you will have more energy and strength! Keep you the good work, and I hope that something I said helping you! God is wrapping his arms around you right now, and telling you to lean on him!
Loretta T says
I waited 6 years longer than the dr wanted to have mine, on June 8th this year, I am still in recovery because I did have to have an abdominal very large, larger than was planned, cut. The only major problem I am having is the hormonal issues, it is taking a bit of adjusting of meds to find the right levels. I already feel I can do more, not everything I want but more than I have for at least two years. You will never get back the small amount of time it will take to recover but think of all the things you will be able to do and not have to worry about Flo getting in the way.
Nichol says
It is perfectly normal to feel this way. I had two surgeries after Zoe was born, one being gall bladder removal. I feared the worst the entire time before surgery. What if something is wrong and they need to do the old-fashioned way? You’ll be okay mama, big hugs to you. Hang in there
Jenea Whittington says
There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. This is a hard decision to make, and not an easy one to go through with. I myself had a hysterectomy, but mine was an emergency. Your emotions are high right now. You are most certainly not a bad wife or mother under no circumstances. I understand the way you are feeling, but our friends and families support us because they love us and will help through a hard and trying time. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. You and your family. I wish you a very speedy recovery.
Jenea
Sandy VanHoey says
Bless your heart! I will pray for you. Instead of feeling guilty, you need to do what is best for you and your health. Your children needs a healthy mommy. I remember back when I had mine, they didn’t have laparoscopic back then and i had 3 children at home I had to care for. I had to grocery shop the minute I got home and I inched through the store. It was horrible but I must say, I healed quickly I guess because I had no choice but to move. Hopefully, you will be able to get through this and accept all the help you can get. You family all understand and wants was best for you I’m sure. It is perfectly normal to have fears as you’re having but try not to feel guilty. I think all of us will send up prayers for you and we know prayer is powerful in numbers. Please get as much rest and help as you can and don’t feel guilty. You will be a new person before you know it and feel 100% and happy it’s all behind you.
Gina says
You’re making the best decision for your health – once this is all said and done, you’ll see that! I wish you the best of luck for a quick and easy procedure and recovery.
Teressa Morris says
You are absolutely not a bad wife and mom by choosing to do something that will help your overall health. I felt so much better after my laparoscopic hysterectomy and I was only out of commission for a week. Of course still couldn’t lift or anything for a month but after two weeks you should be able to drive and do all the normal things as far as scheduling etc., just not chores and lifting. Maybe God wants you to have some downtime so your family can appreciate all you do for them. Allow yourself the time to rest. You deserve it!!
meghan says
(((HUGS)))) I will keep you in my prayers.
beth c says
love & hugs!! it is true that a momma has got to take care of herself first before she is able to take care of her family! i’ll be praying for a speedy recovery for you as well! 🙂
aurie says
{{hugs}} You will get through this, and it will be fine. I’m so glad that you have people surrounding you asking and wanting to help out – what a blessing!! I know how hard it is to not pick up/carry Luke…perhaps you can cuddle with him on the couch if he needs some momma time. Praying for you!!
Savannah McQueen says
Of course you are afraid…what fool wouldn’t be. Have faith…stay the course. You know you’ve made the best decision for your family that you can. This is a good growing opportunity for them, too. Sometimes we have to get out of the way in order for our closest family members to learn what they are truly capable of…without Mom. Good luck…many prayers.
Paula Lee says
You should not feel guilty. It’s time for your family to be there for you now. I had a hysterectomy Feb. 2011 and I really hope things go well for you. A year later I can say I’m glad I had it done but it took months to get to that point. Just know that you’re doing the right thing and take your time healing. Good luck!
lisa lo says
Been there, done that. Stay off your feet afterwards and have your family and friends help as much as they can…you should be fine :o)
Michelle says
Erika.. listen to me.. you are not being a bad mother and wife for taking care of yourself.. It is important you take care of you.. you cant take care of everyone if you end up alot worse..
Joyce says
I had a hysterectomy on June 7 and never regretted a thing! I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time. No more periods, cramps, dizziness, bloating, and everything else that led me to have this surgery. Recovery was a breeze. I felt 100% a month post op. Don’t worry. It will be great. Get the numbing shot before they put the IV in your hand, and you’re home free after that. Relax. It will be great!
As a side note, I kept my ovaries. No hormone issues or changes as a result.
Savannah says
I have a really hard time stepping back too, but I’ve never had to do so to the extent that you’re about to be required to. I’ve always been really big on “If you want something done right, do it yourself”, and that’s doubly applied to my kids. I even have a hard time letting my husband take over for me. I like to be the one calling the shots. (I was shouting out orders to my friend and husband as the EMTs carted me away, while in full on labor with my first, to the ambulance where she would be born about 15 minutes later.) I think stepping back and letting others take care of you is a whole different kind of strength and bravery. Moms have an easier time being on the front lines day in and day out, not sitting back letting others do everything (that’s for husbands LOL). Good luck to you and I hope your surgery goes really smooth!!
Sue H. says
Oh Erica I wish I could give you a hug. You’re doing the right thing but it’s normal to be nervous. I never had a hysterectomy but I had cancer last yr and I felt guilty having my family do everything for me. After my first chemo I had to be hospitalized so they could just keep an eye on me and keep me hydrated.I didn’t mind being there because I love being waited on there,since it’s their job anyway.Lol! I put it in the Lord’s Hands and He took great care of me. I did need lots of help and support. I’m not married and my daughter doesn’t live at home but my mom,sisters,daughter live really close. My mom did all my cooking,my sisters did my cleaning and errands,and my daughter did alittle of everything.I have 2 neices ages 4 and 8 and bless their hearts they gave me so many hugs and kisses that actually made me feel better. I had stage 2 hodgkins lymphoma and I’m happy to say I’ve had 2 clear PET scans and I’m giving all the praise & glory to God.
If I already told you all this before I apologize. I’m going through menopause and it has stolen my memory.Lol! Seriously I forget a lot. I’m always asking God to help me remember something.Lol!
If I can go through chemo and shots to protect my bone marrow I know you can get through this. It’ll be worth it in the end to feel better. I just know you’re going to be fine. I know I don’t know you personally but we can be friends who pray for each other.
You must be the most wonderful baker ever! I want to eat those apple monkey bread bites like something terrible. I don’t bake or cook. I mean I make small meals since it’s just me.
I hope I made you feel better. It’s ok to feel guilty and afraid. They’re emotions we all have at times in our life. We give them to the Lord but it’s ok to still be afraid. The Lord understands. I hope you have a wonderful day! God Bless 🙂
karen greenwood says
You will be a better mother and wife if you are healthy. Stay strong and give it to GOD. He has a purpose for all of us. You are in my prayers!
Doris Calvert says
We are all scared of any kind of surgery, if it’s what you have to do to be healthy then you are doing this so you can be 100% for your family when you are recovered and you can always hug your kids when they are sitting next to you:) I will think of you and keep us posted, it will all be over before you know it!
serena adkins says
I am a true believer that we should not worry about the situation for God has it in control as long as we believe.
barbara tryon says
My sister had one and to let you know everything went great and she feels better than ever!
Alisha D says
It’s 4 weeks….that’s it. Then, it’ll all be over. This is only temporary, and I’m sure that your family loves you & will do anything for you. I’m sure they all want you to feel better. What better way to be there for your family than to get this behind you, move on, and THEN you’ll have the energy to give them 100% all the time!! Just 4 weeks….then you’ll be free to do all you can do for your family and friends. Just remember that there is a time for all things. You love your family very much…and pour into them daily I’m sure. I’m sure you’re a blessing to them…but NOW…it’s your time to be blessed. So…be blessed by them..be loved by them. Enjoy those blessings =)
Carrie says
I hope your surgery goes well!!
Christy Anderson says
I hope everything goes well and you heal quickly!
Rita Spratlen says
I took care of my son who was severely disabled for years. I knew I needed a break. I understand how you feel. You feel no one can do as well as you can. But, this is your time now and it is ok to let go and just focus on you for a while. I am sure you have done for others and more. Relax and let God help you relax. It is ok and you will be better in the long run. Think of it that way. Take care and you will go through and be fine. Hugs, Rita
Melissa Miller says
Hi there.. I can relate to what you are going through. I had a hysterectomy back in 2010. I was very scared about the procedure itself but I was more scared about the recovery. Everything went great, and I can now say that I did the best thing for my health. The way I had to look at it the week before my surgery was after I am better I would be a better mom to my kids. That got me through the stress and fear of surgery. I also used a website called hystersisters (search it on goggle) they have so much information about hysterectomies and everything else. It is a great resource and great support system for you that way you can have someone who knows what you are feeling like and encourage you through all this. Best of Luck to you!!
ang says
Oh friend, this must be so very hard – but remember that if you don’t have this done (and let them take care of you), then you won’t be able to take care of them! Best of luck, I’ll be thinking of you often!
Dandi D says
Hope everything goes well for you. I know it’s a hard decision to make, but I’m sure you’ll be doing what’s best for you and your family!
Saph says
HUGS! Will pray for successful surgery, peace, and quick recovery!
I know it’s hard to be out of commission and let others take care of you. I was out for a day and half last weekend and it was HARD not just because I was in excruciating pain but because I had to rely on my husband to get me food, take care of the kids, etc.
Emily says
If you aren’t at your best, you can’t be the best mom to your kids. By taking care of this now, you are showing them how to be responsible for one’s health and making smart choices. I will be praying for a smooth surgery and a quick recovery.
Rachel J. says
It’s so hard for us mommies to let go when we feel like our family needs us! I think I would feel exactly the same way if I were in your position, but I believe you are a wonderful wife and mommy for wanting to put your family first. The thing you have to remember is that taking care of yourself IS putting your family first. I’m sure they’ll be happy to return the favor and take care of you for a while. 🙂 Praying for a speedy recovery for you.
Tammy Klain says
I had a partial done because of a tumor they found. I will tell you from experience when you see a baby at the mall if park your heart may give you a little ache. Just work through it and know you did the best for you and your family! Best of luck
Jane H says
Erika,
I just had a major surgery about 5 weeks ago—I’m much older than you, but my daughter and 2 year old grandson live with us so I have lots of responsibilities too. My husband has had to be my caretaker over the past several years and it’s hard to know that he was going to have to take on a lot more. I thank God that he is the excellent caretaker that he is. I was very scared also about my surgery….I could have let it go for awhile, but it involved my pancreas and I did not want to wait and take any chances. Praise God, they removed two tumors, both pre-cancerous, 50 % of my pancreas and my spleen. It has been a long recovery and I’m not done yet. But my care was wonderful and the prayers of prayer chains and friends holding me up over the past few months and weeks have been so evident. God has provided all we need and more and He will surely do that for you too…..Fear not…..You are in His Hands and He is watching over you tenderly.
Love in Him……Jane
kewkew says
Will definitely be praying. The only major surgery I ever had was the 2 C-Sections and I can definitely relate to the whole not being able to pick up the children thing, though I can’t really relate to everything you are going through.
The Lord will see you through. Stay strong.
Blessings
Christy Maurer says
I will certainly be praying for you! There is no need to feel guilty asking for help. You know you would want them to ask you for help if they needed it! You can sit and hold Luke. And someone can take Joshua to therapy if it needs to start right now. If it doesn’t need to start right now, don’t feel badly about not being able to take him right now. God has His perfect plan in place. Trust it 🙂
Jennifer Mae Hiles says
Don’t feel guilty! How can you take care of your family if you don’t take care of yourself? You’ve got this!!! Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. The day of surgery, tell yourself. “I got this!” It always helps me 🙂