In this age of communication where we’re overly connected, it’s not hard to feel like you’re a failure.
Scroll through your Facebook feed and you’ll see someone bragging about how their kids are always at the top of their class, that fit mom you’re not sure why you’re friends with has run one more 5k, and yet another friend has the perfect home that’s always spotless.
Someone else got a second promotion when your husband has been waiting his turn for 3 years. And that blogger you know seems to have the sweetest, most loving kids who are almost perfect. Then you run into your best friend and she’s lost 5 more pounds without even trying!
You look around your dirty house with the photos that still need to be hung 6 months after your husband painted the living room and your scale that refuses to budget even though you’ve been on the Paleo diet for months and you just want to give up. And your kids seem to hate each other too.
If that sounds even remotely familiar, you’re not alone.
Everyone feels like a failure sometimes. We just don’t talk about it.
The thing we have have to remember is no one is perfect. Most of us struggle with insecurities; we just don’t tell anyone about it.
I’ve felt like a big fat failure lately, especially as a mom. I’m still having health problems and I don’t have the energy to do half of what I need to do these days. So my house is messy and dirty and I’m missing out on so much with my children because I just can’t.
Some days, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Because while I’m STILL struggling, my kids are growing up and time is passing by quickly. So yes, I feel like a huge failure as a mom.
I woke up this morning, still tired after 9 hours of sleep, and looked out the window at the gloomy, 45 degree rain, and I wanted to go back to bed. Of course, I didn’t because I had to get the kids ready for school.
As I waved good-bye to Joshua and Emily and turned the TV on for Luke to watch Special Agent Oso (too much TV for the kids is another thing on my large ‘guilt’ list), I realized I have a choice to make.
I can allow myself to sink down into that old pit of depression and feel sorry for myself. I’ve been dealing with these health issues for close to 10 years now, so a little self-pity is almost deserved at this point.
Or I can pick myself back up, send an email to my doctor, and try something else in hopes of getting better.
I know in my heart I’m not a lazy, bad mom. I’m a sick and tired mom. And there is an answer out there that will finally get me back on my feet. I have to keep trying and searching. And hope and pray that it’s sooner rather than later.
Whenever I get to the “I’m a failure” point, I try to think about a few things that always help me.
When You Feel Like You’re a Failure:
1. Take a step back
If your best friend was dealing with whatever is dragging you down, what would you tell her?
We are usually our own worst critics and sometimes we simply have unrealistic expectations.
Maybe you’re simply being too hard on yourself.
2. Take a look.
Often, many frustrating situations that serve to make us feel like failures are temporary and it’s tremendously helpful to realize that it’s something that will pass. Things will improve, though we may not always know when.
Maybe you have a colicky newborn and you’re beyond exhausted. Or you’ve gone back to school and you had no idea it was going to be this hard juggling everything.
On the other hand, sometimes the problem is longer-term, like a chronic illness or a husband who travels for work. Either way, it can help to simply put your finger on what’s bugging you.
3. Dig deeper.
Try to get to the bottom of what’s bothering you and ask yourself “Is it something I can change?”
Many times, we feel ‘trapped’ in a situation that seems to be out of our control, but the truth is, it’s not as far out there as we think. In fact, most of the time, there is something we can do about our “failures.”
If you’re having a tough time losing weight, maybe you need to see your doctor and find out if there’s an underlying health condition that might be hindering your efforts.
If your family schedule is so crazy you don’t have time to catch your breath, seriously evaluate your calendar and cancel stuff.
Whatever’s going on, chances are you can do something about it. It might not be much, especially if it’s something like a serious health issue, but there may still be little things that can help.
4. Make a plan.
The worst thing you can do when you feel like a failure is to do absolutely nothing but feel sorry for yourself. I’ve done that plenty of times and it never helps.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever think, “Wow, this is really hard!” but try not to dwell on it.
Sometimes all that means is recognizing that your situation is temporary and purposing to not be so hard on yourself. Stop feeling guilty for everything you’re not doing and give yourself credit for what you DO.
It’s also okay and very important to prioritize taking care of yourself. Because after all, if you don’t who will?
Everyone feels like a failure sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you are. Get to the bottom of your situation and see what you can do to improve it or simply stop being so hard on yourself. Remember, you can let your “failures” take over or you can take over.